Another Open Letter to FOX: Terminating Terminator? I Hate You

By Roode

Dear FOX Network,

Fuck you. No no no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to start off on the wrong foot. I’m getting WAY ahead of myself. Please accept my sincerest apologies. I’m just all keyed up. I’m passionate about quality television programming and, well, you shit bags seem to walk the widest circle around quality you possibly can. So, again, I take back that “Fuck you.” For now, at any rate.

I watched the season finale of “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” Friday night. I watched it again Saturday afternoon and early Sunday morning. I’m thorough, to say the least. After all that intense research, I’ve come to one conclusion. Holy Shit! Some how you’ve let a good episode from a decent series though. I’m sure it was an accident, as it had nothing to do with Ryan Seacrest.

The T-700 Series douchbag model


It had substance, it had suspense, it had SummerGlau taking her bra off. Alright, the viewer didn’t see the goodies, but it’s the principle that matters.

Who am I kidding? I would be one hell of an easy target for her to terminate. Especially if she was topless at the time.

Story arcs were skillfully seen through. The show took assumptions made during the second season and exposed the viewers for the chumps we are. Damn, even plot lines that one put completely out of mind from the first season came back to slap us in the face. All in all, (putting fingers to lips like an old Italian) *MUAH* perfecto.  Here is where my praise for the various responsible parties for the show turns into the proverbial Rochambeau for you, FOX. The season finale just may end up being the series finale. You sweaty testicle sniffers!

Insert items to sniff… FOX execs will come a’runnin.

It has been rumored for months that TSCC was getting the axe from FOX. Factoring in all the rationalizing BS, it really comes down to three things.

1. Ratings: Your executives routinely bitch that the show’s ratings aren’t good enough to renew; despite the fact that if you take a gander at the ratings of other shows, TSCC isn’t too badly off. You’ll also have ratings issues if you are complete and utter fucktards by first; pitting it against Monday night football and second; moving the show to Fridays AFTER Monday night football ends for the season. I wonder why the ratings aren’t underwear wettingly fantastic?


How the HELL is this show still on?

2. Expense: You moan that the special effects are too expensive to produce. Hey, shit heads, you’re spending a shit load more money on steaming piles of cow dung like The Apprentice and House. That’s right. I said it. House sucks on Saltines. I don’t care who get pissed.

I guess it’s a lot cheaper to slap some “reality” shows together that only require the writers to have a collective intelligence of a 5 year old and Sloth from The Goonies.


Sloth want more American Idol!

3. You’re all dicks: This is the reason I’m really behind. Watching you poop stains program shows is not unlike watching a retarded kid pushing a door marked “pull.” You’re so damn busy looking to maximize your profits while minimizing your expenses, you let old fashion plot driven shows slip through your fingers. Translation: you’re dumber than a bag of hammers (Thank you to MST3K for a line I have been using for decades).


I don’t know. Are hammers that ass chappingly stupid? I’ll have to check.


I guess I was right at the beginning of this letter; fuck you. Television programming on conventional stations is hurting, because cable is spanking you like a crying nancy boy who likes musical theater and carries around a briefcase. Why? They invest more than money into their shows. They make an investment of time and faith. F/X took a huge gamble with The Shield. Guess what? It friggin took off like a rocket stuffed with cocaine! So much so, that every cable network and their mothers starting to push original programming. Some of it is even on the edgy side (well, mostly F/X. TNT’s programming is the diet Coke of episodic television).

Hey, TNT. How’s Witchblade working out for you?

I implore you, FOX, renew Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Its following is bigger than Jericho’s and that bunch of nut mailing fans got an extra season out of it. There is still time to redeem yourselves. You don’t always have to be one in a series; television networks churning out bullshit for the mindless majority. You can make a difference. You can make a stand. Shit, Fringe is just an X-File retool. You’re keeping that (allegedly). You’re your own worst enemy, FOX. Make that investment. Prove to the world that the FOX network isn’t just filler between American Idol episodes.

I don’t want to make any threats. I know this site is being monitored by the FBI, KGB, and MI6. But, dudes, seriously, if you cancel this show, there will be some out there that will make their disappointment known.

This dude will be PISSED.


PS: Hey, if you’re going to be stubborn about it, at least sell the series to F/X dirt cheap.


Posted on April 13, 2009, in Observations and aggravations, Roode Notes, Television. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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